This post will be about turning 21 and meeting my saviour.
A few weeks before my 21st birthday, a few stressful things happened, my mum lost her job which resulted in us losing our house and being moved into a homeless shelter.
The homeless shelter was made up of houses and flats, it was a place people went if they had lost there home or were escaping abusive relationships, it was also used for young parents and familys .It was a nice place and i felt comfortable there, my mum, me and my littler sister settled in quite well, we all seemed alot happier and i felt less anxious, even some of my symptoms died down which felt brillant.
We had been there a few weeks, when a new family moved in directly opposite us, i wasnt really that interested at first, i had always been quite shy, so i wasnt one for intruduing myself. As the day went on I had totally forgot about the family that had been moving in but later that night when my mum and sister went to put the bins out i heard talking that seemed to be coming from outside, i went to the passage window and seen my mum talking to a woman, i couldn’t see the woman properly because it was dark but i could hear her, she was very loud and had an accent i’d never heard before, i was curious so i went to investigate this mysterious woman, when i stepped out of the front door, i seen my mum and sister standing with the mysterious woman and a few children, at first i thought- oh god look at this woman will all these kids, no doubt they’ll be trouble.
My mum and sister were still chatting away when they noticed me standing behind them at the front door, they called me over and my mum started to introduce me, as mum was talking I looked at the mysterious woman standing infront of me and the thoughts i had before suddenly disappeared, i started to feel warm, my heart sped up and a smile crept up upon my face, the woman infront of me was beautiful, she was tall with long brown hair, her figure was slim but curvy, she had the most amazing eyes and smile i’d ever seen, i couldn’t stop staring, i felt memorized by her beauty.
Over the next few days i felt my self thinking about the mysterious woman more and more, i couldn’t get her beautiful smile out of my head, over the next couple of week i learned her name was vikki and she was a mum to 5 children, we never really spoke to eachother at all but there was a beautiful silence between us and a lot of smiles exchanged.
It was 3 days before my 21st and I was still drinking pretty heavy at this point. I had planned to go out to a few pubs with my mum and some of my family, i invited vikki to come along and my little sister would babysit for her, there was no doubt at this point that i had a massive crush on this woman but obviously i wouldnt do anything about it because as far as i was concerned she was straight. The night went pretty well apart from a few incidents where i drunkenly lashed out at men in a jealous rage over vikki, i admit it was weird because i had only known this woman for 2 weeks but i wanted her more than anything, she was burned into my brain, she was all i could think about. I admit it sounds quite stalkerish but i dont think she had any clue about how i felt, we all ended going back to our flat, i was so drunk that i dont remeber much after that but i know i ended up at vikkis, we didnt share a bed but slept in the same room.
The next 2 weeks were a whirlwind of emotions for me, most of them i had never felt before, i was really falling for vikki and the more time we spent together the stronger my feelings got, everything felt so right with her but i knew i couldn’t act on anything i felt, i didnt want to fuck up and scare her away, if i couldn’t have her as my lover, the next best thing was keeping her as a friend so thats exactly what i done, i made a lot of mistakes that i still regret to this day, i slept with 3 differnt women while trying to forget about my feelings for vikki, every single one was a huge mistake, i didnt have any feelings for any of them but i just wanted to forget about the woman i craved but couldnt have, one night in particular stands out from all the rest because that night i seen the most beautiful body ive ever come across. I had come back from a night out and was extremely drunk with the person i had been out with that night, that person also turned out to be one of my many regrets, vikkis oldest children, were outside my flat talking to my little sister, i asked where there mum was, they said in the house so i left my friend without a second thought and in my drunken state i went to find vikki. I walked into her house, went through the kitchen into the living room, i couldnt see her, so i went to the bottom of the stair, i shouted her name but there was no answer, now normally i would have just left but something told me to walk upstair so i did, as i approched vikkis bedroom, i heard talking, i entered the room and there she was stood at the window with a curtain wrapped round her talking to the girls out of the window, i stood and looked at her for abit before walking over, she must of heard me, she turned around and the curtain dropped and there stood the most beautiful woman i had ever seen standing in her underwear, neither of us spoke, i walked over and she turned back to the window, i stood behind her and put my hand on her bare flesh so my finger were resting on her ribs, as soon as my had touched her skin i felt a wave of breathlessness move through my body, my heart was beating fast and my mouth went dry, her skin felt so warm and soft, i couldnt believe i was touching the body of the woman i had fantazied about for so long.
13Th of September 2012, the night that changed my life, me and my older sister had arranged to go over to vikkis for a drink, i took a litre bottle of vodka and a bottle of coke, vikki was in her house upstairs lying on her bed when we arrived, the night went quite quicky, we never made it downstairs, we all sat on vikkis bed drinking and talking, at about 10pm we were all pretty drunk, my sister isnt a big drinker so she decided to call it a night, i stood up to go with her but vikki soon stopped me in my tracks by telling me she wanted me to stay with her and finish the last of the bottle of vodka, i laughed and sat back down as lynzie left to go home, as the night went on we talked and drank more, i ended up laying beside her in bed, i cant remember much after that and i dont think anything very sexual happened apart from some cuddling but what i do know is that, that night was the start of a 3 year wonderful and emotional journey for both of us.
In my next post, i will go through the ups and downs of mine and vikkis relationship.
anxietyqueen751 